What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good
looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
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Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

Why Guys Have All The Luck

1. A guy's butt is never a factor in a job interview.

2. A guy's orgasms are real. Always.

3. A guy's last name stays put.

4. The garage is all his.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. He doesn't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

7. Chocolate is just another snack.

8. He can wear a white shirt to a water park.

9. Foreplay is optional.

10. He never feels compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

11. Car mechanics tell him the truth.

12. He doesn't give a rat's ass if someone notices his new haircut.

13. The world is his urinal.

14. Hot wax never comes near his pubic area.

15. He never has to drive to another gas station because "this one's just too icky."

16. Same work......more pay.

17. Wrinkles add character.

18. He doesn't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

19. Wedding Dress $2,000; Tux rental $100.

20. Porn movies are designed with him in mind.

Q. What did God say after creating Adam?
A. I must be able to do better than that.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.

Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A. They are all married.